Monthly Archives: July 2012

Best friends know what you want for your birthday more than you do.

About two weeks before my 19th birthday, I had finally decided what I wanted to get myself as a birthday present, and, little did I know, my two best friends, Chelsea and Samantha, had also decided what thy wanted to get me. In the usual birthday tradition, they didn’t tell me what it was, but, being my best friends, they told me they had a surprise planned for my birthday, and “we’re not telling you what it is!” And for the next two weeks, they taunted me. Every day they’d giggle their little asses off and say “Have you figured out what your surprise is yet?” and collapse in gales of laughter when I’d start yelling at them to at least give me a hint. They even went so far as to tell me to “dress like you’re going to a club, but you’re not going to a club.” They were relentless.

So, two weeks drag by at a snail’s pace, and I start researching what could be happening on the appointed day, but to no avail. I show up at Sam’s house and spend a few hours listening to my two best friends debate on what I should wear to an event I don’t even know about, and finally I ask “How are we going to get there if you’re not going to tell me where it is?” 

Side note: We were going in my car. What they’d neglected to tell me was that they’d gotten Sam’s mom in on the conspiracy, and it turned out that she was going to drive us there, in my car. What’s even worse than someone else driving my car, you ask?

They blindfolded me.

So, for about half an hour, I had to sit, blindfolded, in the back of my own car, while Chelsea smacked my hand down every time I tried to peek, waiting for some hint that this torture would be over.

Finally, we arrive, and the two conspirators remove my blindfold. The first thing I see is a line of people standing against a dingy brick building under a flickering sign that said “The Pit”.

Then it dawned on me. They were taking me to a concert. 

Not just any concert, but one of my favorite bands at the time: Otep.

I was ecstatic, of course, and the wait in line was almost as bad as the wait in the car, but we finally made it in and watched several local bands barely entertain the crowd before Otep Shamaya, in all her remarkably short glory, appeared on stage.

Most of the rest of the night was a blur of screaming and sweat as my two amazing friends and I got shoved, kicked, punched and deafened with our hair in our faces and our fists probably in somebody’s ribs, but I do remember stumbling, dazed and exhausted back to the car, driving home and passing out with a huge smile on my face.

These are the kind of memories you make with your closest friends. The ones you’ll tell your grandchildren about when your favorite bands are long outdated, and your friends are so wacked out on medication your conversations consist of “What?” “Huh?” “My hip hurts!” “Call my nurse, I can’t get up.” “What?”

As much as we want to kill each other a lot of the times, I do love my best friends. To date, Sam has moved to Kentucky with her boyfriend, and Chelsea is about to move to Virginia with her father. I don’t know what I’m going to do without those two, but Sam has promised to come visit every so often (And I know you read this, Mango. If you don’t come visit I’m going to be very upset.) and Chelsea probably will too, if she can. Chances are, when I have the resources, I’ll be making the journey to go see them from time to time as well.

Friends come and go, but there are a precious few to whom you should hold on, and Chelsea and Sam are definitely in that precious few.


These are a few of my favorite things

My interests are, to put it lightly, eclectic. I never really ‘grew up’ and, let’s be completely honest, I don’t really plan to. So, I thought I’dshare some of my favorite things with my lovely readers in the hopes that we can connect on a deeper, more intimate level.


1.) Stuffed Animals

Now, as a 90’s kid, I had my share of Beanie Babies and Cabbage Patch Kids and the like, but my favorite toys were always the ones that looked like an Addams would have designed it. I’m sure you know the ones I’m talking about. The teddy bears with the purposefully missing ears, stuffed bunnies with X’s for eyes, or some generic animal with mismatched buttons eyes and a broken felt heart sewn onto it’s chest.

These are called Critters. Hand designed, hand sewn, and totally adorable. Every Critter can be ordered sans buttons, if you decide you want to sacrifice your happiness and buy one of these for a child instead of yourself, and, if you’re anything like me, these little squishies are pretty much irresistible.

Where can I get one? You’ll inevitably ask after seeing those lovable faces. Well, readers, you’re in luck! Critters can be adopted online at 

Just be careful you don’t become a Critter hoarder. Or do, your choice.

2.) Books!

I am an avid, but picky reader. I love fantasy novels above all else, and a really good fantasy book can make you forget that you have a job… and a life… and responsibilities. For instance, my favorite authors are David Eddings, and Anne McCaffrey. If you’re a fan of fantasy and you haven’t heard of either of them you’re definitely missing out. Like, living under a rock missing out. Seriously, dude, do you even know what paper is, or is that too young for you?


I’m sure any of you who know me are totally unsurprised that this is in my list, but hey, not everyone knows me. I am a coffee fiend. Not a snob, though. Honestly, Starbucks can suck my beans. But I do love me some flavored coffees. Harmony Bay makes an absolutely DELICIOUS hazelnut creme coffee. Imagine a cloud from heaven descended with a single, enormous golden hazelnut, fragrant as can be, and Harmony Bay ground it down, cloud and all and sold it. That’s this coffee.

Also, while Dunkin’ Donuts was helping promote for the newish MIB movie, they had that black cocoa creme iced coffee that was “out of this world”. Haha. Ha. I’m funny.

But yes, this:

Was the most delicious surprise my best friend had ever woken me up with. When I heard they weren’t selling them anymore, I nearly smashed the drive-thru menu.

Oh sweet coffee. Come back to me one day, that I may devour your deliciousness.

Ahem. On with the list. Last but not least

4.) Vidyagamez!!

So, I’m not the most adamant gamer in the world, by far, but there are some games that make me as happy as a clam. Usually, I stick to RPGs, since most FPSs bring out the wuss in me, but, like all rules, there are exceptions. My all time favorite would definitely be Final Fantasy 7, with 8 and 9 coming in close behind. I’ve also been known to show people my pokemanz. When I have access to a decent computer, I like to vent my rage by killing pixelated bad guys on the MMO City of Heroes. Something about fighting fake crime just makes me feel important. There’s also Portal, Halo and Half-life, though I’m not very good at any of them, and some very old PSX games, which are, like the FF games, played on an emulator on my laptop. In the PC category, we have Neverwinter Nights, which, if you haven’t played, but you like games like Dungeon Siege and Diablo, I’d recommend, and The Sims. They’ve gotten progressively more addicting as each game comes out, and I find myself geeking out over almost very change. Like when they added a fountain building tool thingy. I got so excited, my best friend had to slap me and tell me to shut it. I’m too broke to afford any of the expansions, but I can entertain myself just fine playing God on the base games.

Well, now you know a few of my obsessions. Feel free to leave a comment and tell me what you like to waste your life with.


Oh the joy of dying from chocolate overdose

Looking over a recipe book my Aunt and Uncle gave me a few Christmases back, I came to a very important conclusion.

You can make anything (And I do mean anything) into a casserole. 

At least, people in the south do. My Uncle compiled this book o’ heart attacks from members of his church, which I won’t name, and I counted thirteen recipes with the word “casserole” in them. So my count didn’t even include casseroles hiding under other names, stowed away in other sections, or, and this is probably the most ridiculous part, desert casseroles. Are those even allowed to be called casseroles, or are they some form of pie or parfait at that point?

Either way, it made me see that people keep finding new, and sometimes disgusting ways of torturing their families preparing meals. Truthfully, a frito and zucchini doesn’t sound very appealing, but to each their own. So, I’ve decided to put one of my favorite recipes out on the internet.

The Splendiforous, Surprisingly Easy, Super Chocolatey Cake

You will need:

Two 9 or 10-inch round pans (your choice, but I usually use 9 inch)

One large box of instant chocolate pudding


2 boxes of whatever chocolate cake mix you prefer (I like using devil’s food or chocolate fudge.)

Whatever those boxes say you need. Eggs and oil, I think.

Package of chocolate chips or chunks (Your choice)

One of those cake cutting thingies, or however you feel comfortable slicing a cake in half

Chocolate icing (You can get that stiffer decorating icing, too, if you feel really fancy)

Mixing bowl, plus another bowl about the same size.

Preheat the oven to whatever the cake box says, and make the cake as directed. Before you put it in the pans, add about 1/2 cups chocolate bits (Or more, that’s up to you, but remember they may sink to the bottom of the pan, so go light, and you can add more in after it’s in the pan). Bake until it’s done.

Now, let the cake cool completely. Go read a book, or finish getting drunk, or yell at your kids for shaving off their eyebrows. Whatever my dear readers do in their spare time.

Actually, now might be a good time to make that pudding. Mix the ix with milk as directed, except reduce the amount of milk by about 1/2 cup.

Once the cake is cool, carefully remove the cakes from the pans and prepare to mutilate.

Slice both cakes horizontally and pick one of the top halves and set it aside. Slather some puddin’ on one of the bottom halves and put the other bottom on top of it. Rinse, repeat.

Still with me? Good. Once your cake looks like a non-text version of this:






You’re ready to frost it! Yay!

Frost it, obviously. ALLLLLL over. Pile it on thick if you want. Your choice. Now set that delicious beast aside for a moment and turn your attention to the last remaining cake half.

Crumble it. Crumble it all with no remorse. You’ll be sticking these cake bits onto the side of your cake. Or throw it at the cake. Again, really up to you.

If you have that decorating frosting what comes in tubes, now’s a good time to add whatever fancyschmancy decorations you want.

So, you’ve got the cake baked, layered with puddin’, surrounded by crumbly bits, and possibly fancily decorated. What’s left, you ask? See that bag of chocolate chips you thought you would now get to devour? Take some of those and sprinkle them over the top of your almost done cake. This is optional, but c’mon, you don’t really want to take away any delicious chocolatiness, do you? Didn’t think so.

Once you’re done with that, VIOLA! You have a delicious cake. Pat yourself on the back or go start a food fight with your neighbors.

Or just cut yourself a slice of that delicious and moist cake sitting innocently on the table.

Well, Congratz on your baking adventure, if you did it right. Condolences if it blew up in your face. Hilarity if it did literally.

This is the longest recipe I’ve ever written. Now go sit your sweet patooty down and eat some cake!

Ta for now!

Expanding my horizons

So, I’ve officially decided to expand my blogging horizons beyond funny anecdotes of my mediocre life and start writing about everything that interests me, whether it be guides tips or stories about anything and everything I feel like sharing, expect to see a lot more posts from me soon.

Back, after an agonizing hiatus.

If none of my lovely readers could tell, I don’t have a terribly exciting life. It’s dull, it’s flat, and I love it. My ability to squeeze humor out of it is what makes life look less gray.

Since my recent absence, several things have happened; some good, some not-so-spectacular.

1.) One of my best friends learned that her boyfriend is a sociopath, and cut ties with him.

2.) My other best friend moved to Kentucky with her boyfriend. (Did I mention that the first ‘BF’ mentioned is leaving for Virginia soon?)

3.)I joined a payperpost site, for which I have to include the phrase “Order a schadenfreude movie on DVD now!” to claim this blog as my own.

And several other small things that, in the long run, I’ll only remember part of. Please note, I don’t know what a schadenfreude movie is or how to order one on DVD.

So don’t ask.

I don’t really have an update per se, I just wanted to post and let my readers know I hadn’t disappeared from the blogging world.


I will say that I’m about to go thrifting with my best friend. We’re heading over to a shop called My Brother’s Keeper on Phillips Highway, and I’m hoping they have a better selection of stuff than the last store we went to.

It wasn’t bad, but the Goodwill kinda kicked it’s ass.


Ta for now!