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Cheating in November

Now that October is over, and Halloween has come and gone, I really only have two more things to look forward to this year: November and Christmas.

However, before I dive in to my plans for these last two months, let’s take a look back on my surprisingly boring October.

A couple of weeks ago, I got very sick for about a week. High fever, severely swollen throat, etc. It was gross, uncomfortable, and I’m still waiting for my voice to come back.

Before that episode, I volunteered at the haunt for one night. Turned out, they were really short-staffed, and yet, we managed to pull off a pretty great show. I placed top scene in Madhouse, and madhouse placed Top House for the night. No major problems. It was all-in-all a good night.

Yesterday, I carved a pumpkin for the first time. Me being me, I had to go unorthodox, and decided to carve a TARDIS, which, though I was tempted to give up several times, turned out pretty good.

Afterwards, I went Trick-or-treating with my sister, her man, and their son. The itty bitty was dressed as Mario, complete with a mustache that covered half of his face. He also managed to prove that Mustaches make the costume, little kids can make anyone trying to be scary laugh, and a five year old that says “thank you” makes out like a bandit on Halloween.

Now, as November pushes October ahead, thoughts of writing and cooking replace the spiders and zombies, just as paper Turkeys replace felt ghosts in all the major shopping centers. It’s time to begin writing for NaNoWriMo, and planning ways to make thanksgiving dinner better.

As for my writing, I’m picking up a story that I’d put aside for months. Every time I opened the document, I started turning a bit green, so I hid it away, and this month, I’m going to pick it back up and, hopefully, finish it by New Year’s. I suppose, in a way, it’s cheating. I’ve already got 19k words done on it, so I think I’ll reset the word count and just add the 50k words over the next 30 days. This month promises to be about as sleepless as October was last year, and I’m oddly okay with that.

Oh! And the fair! As of yesterday, the Greater Agricultural Fair is now open. Rides, unhealthy, overpriced food, animals, and terrible music make for the perfect wind-down from Halloween, leading back to the obligatorily family-friendly Christmas. Yay!

And of course, the world ends in December, so we have that to look forward to. With any luck, I won’t have to buy anyone Christmas presents.


I can’t stay away.

Last night, I volunteered at my local haunted house again. I know I said I wouldn’t, but, let’s be honest, that slightly sick pleasure you get from scaring people is kind of addicting.

It was nice seeing some of the people I’d worked with in the past, and I had a chance to meet a few new faces, though I didn’t get a chance to talk with them all. Actually, being short-staffed kind of worked out in our favor. We worked better together; crossing into one-another’s scenes, collaborating for the best scares, and generally having a good time, while providing one for the customers. A girl in the scenes behind me affected a foot fetish and followed people around, begging them for their feet, while the customers shuffled away from her, proving foot fetishes are just as creepy as dead mental patients.

At the end of the night was the usual wrap-up meeting, though I noticed the top scenes were now by house, instead of haunt-wide. Madhouse placed first, of course, and yours truly placed top scene in Madhouse. No one who worked with me last year was surprised. Except for me. I was fully prepared to accept defeat. This time.

All-in-all, I had a great time. A lot of people nudged me towards coming back, though, after today, I’m not sure my body can handle it anymore. When I woke up this morning, my feet hurt so badly, I could barely walk, and my body feels like a weightlifting midget’s been bouncing on it while I slept. I don’t remember it hurting this much last year. I suppose this is what I get for not starting in September.

Once I sound less like a frog has taken control of my vocal cords, I’ll think about returning for another night. I missed watching people run away from teenage girls, especially the big, buff guys.

Well, damn.

Due to an unfortunate hardware issue with my laptop, and the fact that I’ve been just a bit too busy for my liking lately, I may not be posting again for a while. 

I’m also trying to stay off the internet as much. Because, you know. Addictions and such.

Update, though. Both of my best friends are now out of state, and I’m taking this time to work on other relationships.

I made a kick-ass chicken stew. Yes, you can make a stew with something other than beef.

Spices. They do wonders.

I’ll probably end up posting a rough recipe for that on [insertdatethatIprobablywon’tremember].

Also, as haunt season gets closer, I find myself feeling as though this Halloween is going to be, for lack of a better phrase, complete crap.

No scaring, no justified costumes, just a trickle of candy-crazed kids demanding sugary goodness.


Well, ciao for now, dear readers. My next post will hopefully actually somewhat resemble humor.

Sad Day.

Well, the haunted house I worked at the past two years is having it’s auditions today, which means it’s the start of haunt season. From now through halloween, many talented actors and not-so-talented volunteers and crew members will be doing everything they can to bring you the very best scares they can, or, if they’re one-time volunteers, until it stops being fun. (I have no delusions whatsoever about what it’s like to work at a haunted house.)

This year, I won’t be scaring. As a whole, that’s a completely depressing thought, and I’m still not sure I want to completely admit that, but, as it stands, I can’t commit to the old haunt full time, and the ‘new’ one just has too much drama attached already.

To all my readers who are planning on going through a haunted house this year, or if you know someone that will be, please, heed my advice.

No matter how cool you think you are, no matter how scared you may or may not be, do not, and I mean DO NOT fuck with the actors.

They’re not there to trap you in a box, or hold up your group for hours in some asinine joke. They’re there to scare you through the maze of rooms and hallways the crew built to entertain the public. I cannot possibly express to you, dear reader, how dangerous it is for them to do that. While most of the customers are just annoying at the worst, some will actually attack the actors. You can be arrested for this. Unless a waiver is signed, it is illegal for an actor to touch you, or you to touch an actor. For the most part, they don’t say anything about it if it’s all in good fun. Like if they scare you, and you pat them on the back, or something good-natured. No actor is going to call security on you for that. But when you resort to punching a masked guy for startling you, or some snot-nosed 12 year old thinks it’s hilarious to pull a female actor’s hair so hard she almost gets whiplash, then the job is made considerably more difficult.


They just laugh harder when you get scared. Even if you don’t get piss-your-pants terrified, they still make fun of you.


This was the biggest peeve when I worked at the haunt.I swear to frog, some of these parents would come through and just giggle their hideous faces off when their unruly brat would terrorize the actors and destroy the sets. Or, they’d let their kids go in without them, thinking it’d be some half-ass carnival haunt, and the kids would mask their fear by being incredibly obnoxious, and even violent. The actors will call security on your shithead little brats if you don’t control them, and you’ll have wasted however much money you just spent.

(I don’t dislike kids. I dislike the ones that never got raised to be people.)


REMEMBER: The actors are not getting paid to take your bullshit. They are getting paid to stand around for 5, 6, 7 hours and scare hundreds of people a night. Just because you paid $25 to get in doesn’t ,mean we have to be nice. If you go along with it, allow yourself to get scared and don’t try to fight the whole way through, you’ll leave satisfied. Everything will be gravy. If you decide to be a dick and ruin the experience for everyone around, you’ll probably end up wasting your time and money, only to get kicked out, and maybe even a brand new criminal charge on your record, depending on what you’ve done to the actors.


I really can’t stress this enough.

And if you decided not to read all of this, then here’s a summary.

Have fun. Get scared. Don’t fuck with the actors.

One more time.






Are we clear?

My apologies for the uncharacteristically humorless tone of this blog, but this is kind of important to me. Not enough people know how to act when they go into a haunted house, and it sickens me what people think is acceptable.

Well, I promise the next one will be funny.