Discovery, and the useless knowledge that comes with it.

Throughout my short life thus far, I have made many wholly unremarkable discoveries that, as I’ve gotten older, I can’t seem to get rid of. On the other hand, I’ve made some mostly unremarkable discoveries that, to me, seemed profoundly more exciting at the time than they do now, but amuse me to no end nonetheless.

For instance, very recently, within the last few hours, in fact, I have discovered a few things in my attempt to keep myself occupied. I decided, for some now unfathomable reason, that it is a perfectly good idea to make potato chips at one in the morning, without really looking up a decent recipe. It’s not that big of a deal, right? Thinly slice potatoes and stick them in the oven.

Right?

Oh, brain, you well-shielded trickster. At first, I tested them in a small batch in the toaster oven, and it didn’t fare too badly, though I practically had to burn the slices to a crisp to keep them from being chewy. And I believe I over salted them. I had a chip about half an hour ago, and haven’t been able to drink enough water since.

Whilst waiting on these to finish, I got impatient and wanted to see what would happen if I microwaved a slice. This turned out significantly better than the toaster trial, and I was pleasantly surprised at how crispy and evenly cooked they ended up.

Well, my microwave had other plans, after the third batch of about 6 chips. Halfway through a cycle, it just stopped, and a very brief, very faint smell of overheated electrical wires emanated from the lifeless contraption. It’s working again now, but let that be a warning to anyone who wants to supplant their normal potato chip intake with home-microwaved crispies, at some point, your microwave will tell you it’s time to stop and go to bed.

So, the last two batches are being made in the conventional oven, and I’ve finally learned what the squigly shaped long grater side is for on my multi-sided grater. At first I’d assumed that some people just like weird squigly shaped cheese, but no! I was mistaken! And, oddly enough, these thick sliced wavy chips are cooking better than my painstakingly hand-sliced thin chips were.

I’ve given up on salting them. I have a sneaking suspicion salt reacts adversely to some government-born chemical now present in modern potatoes, and the grain come alive and multiplies in an evil plot to ruin your food. If I’m right, they’re almost certainly in cahoots with the bottled water companies.

Also, while trying to find out if this is already a thing, or if I made a new thing, I learned there is a stackable tray specifically designed for making potato chips in the microwave. So, just in case any of my lovely readers would like to surprise me on some gift-giving occasion…

Did I mention you look ravishing tonight?